Sing this to the tune of “Royals” by Lorde, and you’ll totally get what it’s like to be a writer.

I’ve never seen an author so depressed.

I cut my teeth on Stephen King books and movies.

And I worked so hard to find success,

Here on Amazon, Bestseller Envy!

But every story’s like Boring/Hackneyed/Dull and  Soporific,

Lacking Substance/Lame and So Pathetic

We don’t care…We’re winning Shirley Jacksons in our dreams.

But every page has got ink stains/typos/underlines and dog ears,

plot holes/adverbs/ lousy grammar/dried tears

We don’t care–we aren’t caught up in our own despair!

And we’ll  never be famous (famous)

It’s a bummer, I’ll admit/nobody really gives a shit/why the hell don’t we just quit?

If I could only write smoother (smoother), get myself some dignity,

Then baby, I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule…Let me live that fantasy.

 

My friends and I, we’ve cracked the code,

We trade our dollars and our books out of pity.

And everyone who knows us knows/we’re all decent guys…but our writing’s shitty!

But every story’s like Boring/Hackneyed/Dull and Soporific,

Lacking Substance/Lame and So Pathetic

We don’t care…We’re winning Shirley Jacksons in our dreams.

But every page has got ink stains/typos/underlines and dog ears,

plot holes/adverbs/ lousy grammar/dried tears

We don’t care–we aren’t caught up in our own despair!

And we’ll  never be famous (famous)

It’s a bummer, I’ll admit/nobody really gives a shit/why the hell don’t we just quit?

If I could only write smoother (smoother), get myself some dignity,

Then baby, I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule…Let me live that fantasy.

Oh-oh-oh…Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh…

And we’re in love with indie press…the only ones who print our mess!

Oh-oh-oh…Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh…

Alcohol is always there…we aren’t caught up in our own despair!

And we’ll  never be famous (famous)

It’s a bummer, I’ll admit/nobody really gives a shit/why the hell don’t we just quit?

If I could only write smoother (smoother), get myself some dignity,

Then baby, I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule/I’d rule…Let me live that fantasy.